Is Your Life Holding You Hostage? Take It Back!

I have been getting the “why” question a lot lately. In fact, a mom responded thoughtfully to one of my blogs on Cafemom.com today and inquired about a seeming discrepancy in something I wrote. I mentioned that before our decision to home school, we were in a lovely Catholic school with great teachers. She wanted to know why we made the decision to home school if we were happy with our school. It wasn’t that anything was specifically wrong. It was that everything wasn’t right!

I felt we could do so much better! I knew in my heart that our family was being pulled in too many directions. We were starved for any kind of time, let alone quality family time. We were suffering, individually and as a family. There weren’t any alarming behavioral problems. The kids were getting great grades, developing friendships and they were generally in a good mood when I picked them up. But the little things were adding up. Bickering in the car on the way home, hardly being able to get out of bed in the morning, being unenthusiastic and resistant to the next organized activity or event posed constant parenting challenges. I was tired, impatient and crabby, and I am adult who can control my emotions. My children definitely weren’t getting the best of me. If I was tired and crabby, I knew they must be too, even more so.

My observation is that as a society, we are caught up in a predetermined and unquestioned system of operating. We are so “caught up in keeping up”, that we don’t have the time and energy to question why we are doing it until something dramatic happens. Every home school parent I have spoken too has had their “straw that broke the camel’s back” moment--that unforgettable moment of truth that caused them to take a second look at what they were doing, question everything, and acknowledge that things could be different.

I had that moment. Several of them, in fact, had stacked on top of each other until I had reached my personal breaking point. The system was holding my family hostage. I was like Mel Gibson in the movie Ransom—I wanted my family back, and I was willing to pay any price! Ironically, the price I am paying now is significantly less than that private school cost.

We are a pretty typical family, I think. My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have two kids and a dog. My husband works, a lot. I had my own company for the last 20 years, and have decided now to stay at home to teach the kids. Our kids are involved in a number of activities and have active social lives. It wasn’t that we wanted to give things up as much as it was that we wanted to use our time more effectively so we could spend more time with each other. Serving as the family chauffeur, putting on 100 + miles per day so that other people could teach and influence my children didn’t seem to be the best use of time. It certainly wasn’t in the best interest of my family. It wasn’t working for us. With home school, we have cut most of the driving, increased our learning, eliminated homework (don’t get me started on homework as the world’s greatest time stealer), and taken back our family life.

I want to stress, that I am not here to criticize traditional school or those who choose that path. We, personally have been in schools we have loved and some that were not so great. I know many folks in great schools that are thrilled. They system works for them. I have also met some home school families who really aren’t doing their kids any favor. So there can be problems with any system as well as benefits.

What I AM advocating is that we all take a serious look at our lives to see what is working and what is not working. Life is short. If something isn’t working, change it. As a society, we need to question the distractions in our lives that keep us from remaining family focused. We live in a country that encourages creative solutions. Anything is possible with imagination, creativity, resourcefulness and flexibility.

If your life is holding you hostage, take it back! The power to choose the life we have dreamed of is entirely within our control.

A great thing about home schooling--knowing that I know that they know what they should know.

I promised to share my top 10 list of things I love about home school. I discovered a new one today and it’s about “knowing” as I have so eloquently stated in the title of this blog.

When my kids were in school, I had concrete ways to “measure” their success such as their grades, conduct, teacher qualifications, child/teacher ratios and the reputation of the school they were attending. But if you had asked me at any given time, if I knew what they knew, I would have said, “No. Not only do I NOT know what they know, but I don’t know if they know it.” Somehow, I rationalized that this was okay. “They’re in a top private school and performing very well by their standards, so I am sure it’s all very fine”, I convinced myself.

In preparation for homeschooling, one must start by reviewing and analyzing curriculums. (Not easy, by the way if you are not from the world of academia). I now realize that many of the curriculums chosen by schools are “dumbed down” as my mom puts it. They are designed to move the average along at an average, state determined pace. And with California ranking in the lower tier of states for education, I am not sure that’s a great standard to be striving for.

I was really impressed with the quality of curriculum available for home school use and realized that with a few of those programs and my own creativity, the kids could be challenged to a new level. The bar had been raised, and with it, my own standards for “knowing”. I rediscovered my own love of learning, and according to my wise friend Tina, that’s the best thing we can hope to instill in our kids! I just hope it’s contagious.

In this process, two things have become very clear to me; 1] kids today are expected to know ALOT more than we were, and 2] prior to college, I had a very marginal education. I have no regrets. I am simply stating a fact. One of the joys of homeschooling for me right now is the joy of learning what they are learning so I know when they know it. In order to do that, I am relearning things I didn’t quite “learn” the first time around, and learning a plethora of new things I never thought I would—all so that I will know if they know. The testing of the “knowing” is unchartered water for me. And, as my children have told me this week, in no uncertain terms, I am not so great at the testing of the knowing. I’ll be working on that.

Schools devise a number of safety nets designed to catch those students potentially falling through the cracks. We even develop national government supported programs for this like “no child left behind”. In home school, the safety net is sharing their frustration when the learning is slow and seeing their face light up when they have mastered something well enough to KNOW it.

I have my curriculum plan, but when push comes to shove, we will go at our own pace until we KNOW!