Benjamin Franklin and the Art of Persuasion. (Part one)

My children and I are reading the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin as part of our home grown leadership program. His writing style is simple, elegant, concise, and humorous. This manuscript is written to his son, and he shares the story of his life as if he is sitting in the room with him, casually conveying the intimate details of the defining moments of his life and the lessons he learned from them.

I thought I knew quite a bit about Benjamin Franklin and his achievements as an inventor, a diplomat, a printer and an author. I was not aware however, that underlying his undisputed genius, was an intense, self directed passion for the art of persuasion. I am inclined to believe this provides a simple explanation as to why his talents and contributions were so vast and legendary and why, during his own time, and even to this day, he is viewed as one of our most pre-eminent “thought leaders”.

The guiding principles of his life seemed to be to observe, to listen, to improve and to persuade, and he enthusiastically applied these principles to each of his notable endeavors. The first three principles, while significant, would have been fruitless without the fourth. He could observe, listen, and improve, but if he hadn’t developed his powers of persuasion, his improvements (i.e. inventions, literary works, and diplomacy) might not have been embraced.

I am finding it invaluable to encourage my children to see beyond the significant accomplishments of the leaders we study to the underlying principles which guided them. In the case of Benjamin Franklin, exposing my children to the persuasive part of his nature is like studying the basic ingredients for life mastery. Instead of following the lessons of a poorly written 5th grade reading and writing primer, they are learning first-hand, from the words actually written by him, in context of a the past which has shaped our culture as we know it.

As a mostly self-educated man, his autobiography reveals that he was an excellent listener and observer of events around him and that, having no formal curriculum; this is what motivated and directed his education. When he saw awkwardness, failure, or shortcomings in human nature or process, he called upon his guiding principles. The stories of his ingenious and self-directed methods of learning, and his sly attempts to get published, provided humor and examples of pure ingenuity. I could see the wheels turning in my children’s heads as they were listening with intensity. Instead of minds closing from boredom, they were opening from inspiration. It was a poignant lesson that they should move beyond “writing for the sake of writing,” striving first for thought leadership, and then for the mastery of persuasion.

Persuasion, whether written or spoken can be used for good or evil, to create or to destroy, to hinder or to heal. God has given us the gift of thought, and I believe we have the responsibility to take great care in crafting what we say and choosing the ideal communication format, be it poetry, prose, oration or conversation. I have spoken before about the importance of helping our children transcend knowledge to gain wisdom. For me, this kind of learning (straight from the source, so to speak) bridges the gap.

Regarding his view on the power of persuasion, Benjamin Franklin wrote…

… “and as the chief ends of conversation are to inform, or to be informed, to please or to persuade, I wish well meaning sensible men would not lessen their power of doing good by a positive assuming manner that seldom fails to disgust, tends to create opposition and to defeat every one of those purposes for which speech was given to us”…
And of his methods for learning he wrote…

“I continued this method for some few years, but gradually left it, retaining only the habit of expressing myself in terms of modest diffidence, never using when I advance anything that may possibly be disputed, the words, certainly, undoubtedly, or any others that give the air of positiveness to an opinion; but rather say, I conceive, or I apprehend a thing to be so or so, It appears to me, or I should think it so or so for such and such reasons, or I imagine it to be so, or It is so if I am not mistaken.”

There are memorable lessons to be learned in these passages that apply to forming compelling thoughts and then arranging our words into persuasive communication. Benjamin Franklin confesses he didn’t naturally possess these skills. He studied, practiced and mastered them, and the stories he shares convey important concepts such as:

Repetition is the mother of skill.

Seek first to understand, not to be understood.

Men should be taught as if you taught them not.

My intent is not to recount the entire autobiography of Benjamin Franklin in this essay. If you are interested, I highly recommend this edition from the Easton Press for it was carefully and beautifully printed from the manuscript as Franklin wrote it, including his preliminary outline. Thank you, Mom and Dad for the beautiful gift!

The important message is that without his propensity and mastery of the powers of persuasion, this great man as he was known by his contemporaries, and as we remember him generations later, owed much of his success to his communication skills. Even when we are all grown up with our degrees adorning our walls and our business cards, it is my feeling that the world would become a better place if we would all continue to improve upon our communication skills. And, we cannot ignore the fact that in a world where “noise” comes at us from all directions, our children, even more so than ourselves, need to master the art of persuasion, for they are the thought leaders of tomorrow.

Stay tuned for my thoughts on how Benjamin Franklin would view our new world of social media.

The Sixth Thing I Love About Home School--Even the Teacher Gets a Final Exam.

Some of you who are following my blog might know that I am developing a leadership program for children. My laboratory is our home school and my children are the lab rats. This week we finished our “first unit” of study in Leadership. Even though I regularly test “my rats” to measure their progress, I decided that a “final exam” was unnecessary since leadership skills are best developed and tested in real life.

But, today I was presented with a “final exam” of my own when I encountered a situation that challenged me to “practice what I preach.” The situation was a direct result of my entre’ into the dangerous and scary world of “political blogging”. I don’t go there very often since my focus right now is decidedly “spiritual and documentary”. But the contents of Obama’s first congressional address left me feeling compelled to comment. Upon completing my final spell check, I broadcast my “polito-blog” into the cyber universe in a big way—to 45,000 unsuspecting members of cafemom.com.

I quickly discovered that “political blogging” attracts a variety of moms, desirable and not so. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. In fact, I suspected that I might be in the minority on the topic I selected. I learned that the internet can have the same effect on people as drinking too many margaritas at Marti Gras. Folks lose their inhibitions, their manners and their sense of decency. One response really sent me into a funk, and I harbored negativity for a full hour before I regained control of my emotions.

To clear my head, I took my morning walk and it suddenly it hit me—I had it all wrong! This virtual stranger who had so voraciously attacked me was in fact, just testing me. My “final exam” was neatly packaged in her five paragraph response, and it was up to me to step up and take it. This test forced me to utilize and master each of the five topics we have studied to date:

Lesson 1: When You Rule Your Mind, You Rule Your World!

“How can I craft my verbal retaliation?” was the first question that popped into my head. Since we create our reality with our focus, the questions we ask ourselves are critical. Mine was leading me quickly down the wrong path. To ameliorate my thinking, I crafted a better question. “How can this help me?” This answer put me in a position of power instead of a place of negativity and anger.

Lesson 2: Without Vision, the People Perish.

No amount of words on a page would change her point of view. I needed to remain focused on my own long term vision to find the appropriate response to the situation. Verbal sparring wasn’t the answer. But searching for meaning was. It didn’t take long to find it.

Lesson 3: Love Can Endure the Fault We Cannot Cure.
My natural response was to put on the gloves and come out fighting. I think this is often what we do when we find ourselves on opposite sides of an issue. But when I thought of Lesson 3, it was simple. I couldn’t cure her faults and she couldn’t cure mine. The best resolution we could hope for was to agree to disagree. I put myself into a state of “unconditional love” and crafted a simple, gracious response.

Lesson 4: There are More Possibilities in the Universe than One Can Possibly Imagine.

This became crystal clear as I read her answer. I hadn’t imagined a point of view such as hers, (but I stoop to sarcasm). The real lesson for me was that it is essential to explore the possibilities before responding if you want to create a positive outcome. We always have more than one choice, even when we think we don’t. When dealing with a challenging situation, we must call upon all our internal and external resources to create many options so we can produce positive outcomes and improve our lives.

Lesson 5: As You Give, So Shall You Receive.
My opponent’s opinion was 100% different than mine but that wasn’t the issue. Instead of presenting her point of view in a positive manner, she opted to respond with personal insults and bad language. She intentionally chose her response, and it was incumbent upon me to choose mine. My initial inclination was to unleash upon her with equal vengeance. As you give, so shall you receive. But thankfully, my higher self suggested I think about it and respond with love. I don’t know how it was received on her end. I am guessing it neutralized the situation. Regardless, I know that I did my part to break the cycle of negativity.
In 5 or 10 years, it will be interesting to observe what my children retain from this leadership encounter. As a teacher, I was extremely grateful to have a test of my own. I just hope I passed!

Why Selfless Giving Requires a State of ETERNAL Internal Abundance.

For the next two weeks, my children and I are studying on the concept of GIVING in our leadership class. Teaching this is more complicated than I expected. My 9 and 10 year old are still dangerously close to the “it’s all about me” stage of their development. Like any normal elementary age kids, they have their empathetic and generous moments which can turn instantaneously turn into greed and selfishness. Hmmmm!!!! Maybe that behavior isn’t just limited to children. It seems to apply to me, too, and a little too closely, I might add.

I have a plethora of resources in my leadership library to supplement my teaching on this topic, but there is one really basic concept that MUST come through if they are going to get it. In order to give, you must have something to give. This requires one to be in a state of eternal internal abundance. What is this internal state of abundance and how does one get there? Eternally!

Well, let’s start with what it is not. It is not scarcity. It is not lack. It is not “protectionism”. This buzzword—“protectionism” has been popping up everywhere lately. It seems like all the major news channels and financial newsletters are all talking about how a new trend towards “protectionism” by many of the world’s leading economies, will escalate and prolong this global economic downturn. Well, that just sums it up perfectly! When we are in a state of scarcity or lack, we become protectionists, ultimately prolonging our scarcity and lack creating a downward death spiral of doom. Wow! That was depressing. But, isn’t that sort of the mindset of the collective consciousness right now? We have to snap out of this! Collectively.

On the other hand, when you are in a state of internal abundance, you are open to unlimited possibilities. You realize that the world has unlimited resources for everyone to enjoy, and that God really intended all of us to partake in the abundance He created. When you feel abundant, you believe you can give and give and give and still have more than enough. The giving begets giving—which perfectly describes the classic “art of reciprocation.” Every good sales person knows that in order to close the sale, they must give away something of value. I am hoping I can teach this concept to my children minus the manipulative salesperson techniques and sponsorship opportunities.

So, I have my hands full this week. How do you teach others (including myself) that it is in your best interest in life to remain in a state of ETERNAL internal abundance? And how do you actually get there? I am open to ideas. This blog is actually a cry for help!

In order to understand giving, we must understand what it is not. And once the intellectual understanding is instilled, we must move on to the practical day to day applications of being brave enough to put aside our own selfish needs in order to offer something up to someone else. And why is it often most difficult to do this with those we are closest too? That’s for another blog.

Somehow, I don’t think it will be learned in a few lessons. I think we’ll be working on this for a lifetime. Maybe that’s where the ETERNAL aspect of this comes in to play.

My kids will need a few “lighter” examples of this principle to inspire them. We watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight. That was an appropriate start and provided a few opportune moments of selfless giving sponsored by Sears. I have a feeling I’ll be digging up the movie “Pay it Forward” as well, and maybe a few episodes of Oprah’s “Big Give.” On a deeper and more spiritual level, our Mother Teresa reports are due this week, and she is and amazing contemporary example of “selfless giving.”

So let me offer up one of my favorite quotes by her. Hopefully it will inspire you as much as it has me.

DO IT ANYWAY
Sign In Mother Teresa's Office

People are unreasonable,
illogical, and self-centered

LOVE THEM ANYWAY

If you do good, people will
accuse you of selfish,
ulterior motives,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

If you are successful, you win
false friends and true enemies,

SUCCEED ANYWAY

The good you do will
be forgotten tomorrow,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

Honesty and frankness
make you vulnerable,

BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY

What you spent years building
may be destroyed overnight,

BUILD ANYWAY

People really need help but
may attack you if you help them,

HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY

Give the world the best you
have and you'll get kicked
in the teeth,

GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE GOT ANYWAY.


From a sign on the wall
of Shishu Bhavan,
the Children's home in Calcutta

Week 5 Wrap up—Unlimited Possibilities.

This week we studied the concept of opening your mind to unlimited possibilities so you can create a masterpiece for your life. There’s a fantastic scene in the musical Wicked in which the main character, the Bad witch Elphaba, reaches her breaking point. If you’re not familiar with this story, she is actually the good witch but society has labeled her as “the bad witch” because of her appearance. And the character we all know as Glenda the good witch in the Wizard of Oz, who is Galinda with a “ga” in Wicked, turns out to not be so good after all.

Elphaba, has been ostracized her whole life for her freakishly green color, and has been told she will never amount to anything. But she knows deep in the crevasses of her soul that she is so much more than the limits that have been placed upon her by herself and others. In the climactic song, Defying Gravity, she vows to vanquish the limits on her life so she can fulfill her destiny and unleash her awesome magical powers to manifest good.

I believe we all have awesome magical powers and we can all do the same!

As part of our leadership series this week, the kids and I partook in a guided meditation that turned us into futuristic warriors with light savors. We ceremoniously zapped the problems out of our lives. With a clear head, we were free to discover the possibilities we can create when there are no limits, self imposed or otherwise, to hold us back.

This process was not only fun, but shed some very interesting insight into the minds of my children. Possibilities emerged such as “becoming the 50th president of the United States”, and “starring as Galinda in the Wicked Musical” and filming a movie on top of the Hollywood sign. Big dreams out of little packages, but entirely attainable with a little focus, preparation and practice.

As adults, how often do we metaphorically try to defy gravity? Dr. Wayne Dyer very wisely suggests that it’s never too late, and that we should not leave this planet with our music still in us. But have the pressures of daily life, our own self doubt, fear of failure and extenuating external circumstances caused us to turn the volume down so low on our own music that we can no longer hear it?

The author, Sark, speaks of bodacious succulent living. I love that phrase! Just the silliness of it puts me immediately in a “no limits” state of mind. I think it’s time for all of us to create some bodacious succulence in our lives. I like to start off each year with this Bodacious Succulence session. I have not called it that in the past. I have simply called it my annual “no limits goals session”, but going forward I have decided to adopt Sark’s language.

This process is very fun whether you do it alone or with someone. All you need is a quiet spot, an open mind, some great inspiring music and something to write with. (The theme from Star Wars works great for the first part of this, by the way).

Here’s what you do: Meditate for a few moments (that simply means be quiet and close your eyes). Become completely child-like and transform yourself into that legend in your own mind--your best warrior self, in full color and larger than life. See yourself on the big screen if it helps. Courageously, fearlessly, relentlessly zap the problems out of your life. See them coming at you from all directions and just vaporize them. Repeat until you have a clear head.

Then put on your inspirational, “no limits” music and think about everything you would like to create in your life. When you find limiting beliefs creeping back into your consciousness, call upon the warrior again, vaporize it and get back to work.

I think you’ll be really surprised at how amazing your list is. Review it. Select your top 3-5 and start working towards your goals. You might find your whole life changes. This process works for me. I have had some of my biggest personal breakthroughs as a result of it, and I am certain I will continue to use it throughout my life. I wanted to teach it to my kids early so they realize that the quality of their life is created by the thoughts they have.

Thoughts are definitely things, and by having the right thoughts, we can create a life of unlimited possibilities! Go on. I dare you to create the life you’ve imagined.

Week 3 Wrap up: Love Has the Patience to Endure the Fault we Cannot Cure

We have quickly reached the end of week three and are settling into a “routine” as I stop to reflect on our weekly leadership topic. This week we focused on the fact that when you love someone unconditionally, you can “endure” those all those less than admirable qualities which might otherwise be intolerable. The decision to choose unconditional love over “stacking grievances” is within our control. The power of choice is ours, and we must choose unconditional love more often than we choose the alternative if we want to create magic in our lives and experience love to the fullest.

This is not an easy concept to comprehend (let alone to carry out in day to day practice), but it is absolutely mandatory if we want to experience beautiful relationships with ourself, with others and with society as a whole. If we want to be able to give love unconditionally, we must first love ourselves unconditionally. Teaching my kids the principle of unconditional self love proved to be a little more complicated than I expected. My kids weren’t going anywhere near my suggestions that we chant “I love you” to ourselves in the mirror. No way!

We prayed and memorized love prayers. We listened to “love gurus” like Leo Buscaglia, Zig Zigler and Wayne Dyer speak eloquently on the topic. We planned “committed acts of unconditional love” towards a family member. (That didn’t quite go as I planned). And we followed the guided meditations of Tricia Brennan to get in touch with our higher selves while connecting to “all that is” (www.triciabrennan.com). For the record, they loved the guided meditations!

As a last resort, I turned to the wonderful teaching opportunity provided by our very own “family unit”. I finally realized I didn’t need to look very far for practice and/or practical application of this principle.

In the end, it was the family dog, a thirteen pound, toothless ball of fluff that we call “Gorgeous Georgeous” who helped to drive the point home. We rescued Georgie from the pound, and he is eternally grateful to us for it. It turns out, more than anything, the kids could understand unconditional love in terms of Georgie. They recalled the feeling of self-esteem and significance they experienced when they decided to choose a rescue dog over a pet store puppy. They vividly remembered how great it felt as we brought him home for the first time. They knew, deep within their hearts that because of our love, he would have a safe place to live the rest of his life. They could relate to the fact that no matter what they are doing, how they are acting or feeling, Georgie is always there to love them. He doesn’t criticize, he doesn’t “stack grievances”, he doesn’t complain. He just nudges your hand, which is his signal to pay attention, and licks you incessantly to let you know he cares.

The really great thing about dogs is their complete lack of inhibitions. They’ll sniff each other’s butts and chew their own and they don’t give a hoot, who is watching. They hang out car windows, their hair blowing, jowels a flappin’, living and loving life to the fullest. This same lack of inhibition drives them to “ask for love” when they need it. That is an important lesson for us humans. It’s perfectly okay to ask for love every once in a while. Whether we need a hug, an ear, or something deeper, we deny our loved ones the chance to give us the gift of love if we don’t tell someone what we need.

The bottom line is that Georgie is always there for us—unconditionally! Maybe through him, my family can all learn that it pays in spades to choose love first.

Confessions of a Secret Agenda

There is a very famous quote that I love that goes something like this...."The unexamined life is not worth living."

Therefore, I am an avid proponent of expanding ones spiritual experiences through constant spiritual learning. My favorite mentors are God, Tony Robbins (yes, I have completed all but two of his live seminars and tapes series), Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Dr. Depak Chopra, Lazarus and my very own personal spiritual and life coach, the internationally renowned Tricia Brennan of Austrailia. http://www.triciabrennan.com/. Sorry for the shameless plug but she's the best and my friend of 25 years, Gina Raith, life coach and yogamaster extraordinaire, (www.bewelltogether.blogspot.com).

I am in a constant state of learning and self discovery, and I confess that part of the reason I have to tap into these resources daily is that I am a slow learner and unless I keep pounding it into my brain, it seems to float out into the ethers as fast as it goes in.

One of the most exciting and rewarding aspects of home schooling for me is the chance to expose my young children, whose minds are spiritual and intellectual sponges at this point in their young lives, to a constant flow of this "stuff". (I cleverly disguise it as a "leadership class" and we open with it every day for about 30-45 minutes). Today began with another segment From Tony Robbins drilling in the concept of "what you focus on you get".

I always try to tie our leadership principles into the reading and grammar segment so that the learning is enriched and they link the concepts together in their brain. In the segment we listened too, Tony suggests that in order to focus on the right things and get what you really want, you have to do three things. 1] define precisely what it is that you want, 2] make it bigger than life in your mind so you are inspired to attain it, and 3] create a Massive Action Plan that will allow you to meet your goals in spite of the inevitable obstacles that you will face.

The action plan must include Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C etc... so that your chances of succeeding are increased. So, this became the morning's writing assignment. I suggested that they each choose to draft a plan for attaining for their hearts deepest desire.

I was hoping for things like "an end to world hunger" and "to create the world's first solar powered car". I got "doughnuts" from Child A and "a Pokemon Seedot" from Child B. Undeterred from my goal of permanently penetrating their minds, I lead a guided meditation to help stir the creative juices. They both began feverishly writing and within a few moments had committed what I considered to be a sufficient amount of ink to their journal pages. Austin was totally "in the zone" and had whipped out a poem that was pretty close to being a final draft. She was very proud of her work (justifiably so) and insisted on reading it to both of us over and over ad nauseum. So we decided to video tape her dissertation. You can see the results of this for yourself on our family homeschool website. Very funny!

And at the end of the day, I did what every obsessively health concious mother would do. I took the kids out for a doughnut. Krispy Kreme was closed, as well as the local dougnut shop, and by our third stop, we settled for a box of sugar coated Entemann's. In this case, the need to create a "magic moment" that would last forever trumped the organic natural food Nazi in me. The remnants of the packaged doughnuts sit pretty much untouched on our counter, and tomorrow, I will toss them under the pretense that "they have exceeded their expiration date".

Do they even have an expiration date?