A Tiny Dancer Gets a Lesson in Self-Worth!

There are moments of profound wisdom offered up to us from our precious children. I am often left awe inspired when I open myself up to seeing and hearing the treasures of their conscious and subconscious minds. The essence of the “tween” is fascinating to me since I happen to have two of them. There are remnants left of the little babies I doted over and rocked to sleep, but mostly now, they look and act like miniature adults, capable of thoughts and deeds often far beyond my expectations and comprehension. The challenge lies in warding off the “learned indifference” that sometimes comes with this. I find myself taking for granted the miracles that must happen in order for them to do what they do. And then, as fast as I have forgotten their miraculous nature, I am reminded of it in some endearing act that they spontaneously commit.

My daughter recently competed in a dance competition which provided a few of those moments. When we were backstage, marking her dance, her shoes came untied. Her coach sat with her, patiently providing both of us a lesson on the subtle art of tying a point shoe, and marveling at the fact that while in a few moments she would perform one of the most difficult classical ballet numbers ever choreographed, she still hadn’t mastered the basics of tying her shoes. She performed like a pro under enormous pressure, to the best of her abilities. And when she finished dancing, she grabbed her teddy bear, and requested a trip to Dairy Queen and “Bounce World” subtly reminding me that while she can dance like an adult, she is indeed, only 10. These are the moments that reveal the truly profound nature of what our children are capable of and the delicate balance of transitioning from child to adult.

According to her coaches, this is the “competition of competitions” in the ballet world. It is a vital step to securing her place, as she will “be seen” by just the right eyes that will potentially open doors for her along the way. I don’t know enough about ballet to know if this is true. I trust the advice of her coach. But there’s nothing like a little pressure for a 10 year old to get her off to a great start! And thus begins the struggle as a parent to balance the innate love for dance with the “hysteria” of over achievement.

Dancing spreads joy instantly. On the positive side, it teaches her grace, poise, self confidence, discipline, how to deal with success and failure, staying “on center”, inner strength, physical strength, and the pride that comes from achieving ones goals. It will allow her to be fully self-expressed in a world where so many of us aren’t. And being able to touch others through artistic expression really is a gift to be shared. So, for the most part, I am supportive of this endeavor.

And then there is the dark side…politics, inequities in judging, abusiveness, mental games, the potential for obsession with self image, and the hype. Fortunately, the company my daughter dances in embraces and promotes the positive side of dance! It is during competition time that we are exposed to the dark side. Seeing her on stage melts my heart, as it would with any parent. But the thing that makes me most proud is that my 10 year old daughter, in all her ultimate wisdom and practicality, sees right through the BS!

She was fortunate enough to make it to the finals in New York, but she realizes that others in the company, who did deserve to go, (even more than her), were overlooked. The sadness of that fact stifled the joy of her accomplishment. Even at 10, she was well aware of the politics involved and the inequities in the judging! I didn’t have to explain it to her, she explained it to me as she recounted, (quite accurately I thought) who should have placed in the competition versus who did. As we were driving home she said, “Mom, don’t waste your money taking me to New York. I can see that they have already decided that I am one of those kids who will make it into the top 12, but has no shot of ever placing. So if you send me, you’ll essentially just be paying a lot of money to watch me dance on a big stage. We could do something better with that money, like save it!”

That is profound wisdom! She doesn’t need a dance competition to define her self-worth and she is willing to sacrifice her own dreams for the greater good, (in this case, the family finances). Her ability to quickly size things up and her willingness to see things for what they are will carry my child gracefully and decisively through her life. That’s the bright side, and I couldn’t ask for anything more!

Maybe We Should Spend a Little More Time Channeling our Inner Rockette!

“Stay focused girls. Picture the feather head dress and beautiful costume. You have big eyelashes, your make up is glowing and your hair is shining in the stage lighting. You are in perfect unison with the dancers around you. You are unique and gorgeous, but working together harmoniously as if you were one. Now, transcend beyond your outer beauty to the core of who you are. Stay focused! Channel your inner Rockette, girls! See her in all her glory. Now step into her shoes and BE HER!”

Five girls and I partook in this spontaneous meditation during tap class today. I am coaching a very talented group of dancers between the ages of 10 and 14 and we are learning a classic tap number set to “Let’s Misbehave.” Technically, they were getting it, but they weren’t GETTING IT! They needed a strong vision of what was possible in order to take it to the next level.

The three pound gelatinous mass that crowns our being is a very powerful and underutilized asset. What we create in our mind is not trivial. It forms the very foundation of our lives. Never underestimate the power of visualization.

The girls’ performance after this visualization showed a marked improvement over their prior performance. During class today, these girls needed an introduction to their inner Rockettes. I think we all do, ladies. That powerful Goddess inside can “rock the room” in any situation. As mom’s we are pulled in so many directions and we cater to the needs of others so willingly, it’s easy to lose sight of her. Her image grows dim and that is reflected in our appearance.

In your daily health and beauty routine, are you going through the motions, or are really connecting with your higher self? She’s in there. I swear she is. She’s a reflection of who you can be when you believe in, respect and honor yourself as the Goddess you are. But you need to take some time to SEE her. We’ve all had those moments (or maybe even days, or years) in which our higher self is with us in full force. She’s a powerful force. And suddenly, we lose her. Well, I miss my inner Rockette. I am filing a missing person’s report and sending out a search and rescue team to find her.

I am convinced, with meditation and visualization, and a commitment of just a little time per day, we can find her again, and transform ourselves, inside and out. I know this to be true, because I had a profound experience with this during my milestone year, 40--that dreaded birthday in which we suddenly define ourselves as “old.” Well, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “we can’t let an old person get into our bodies”. They take up residence and start leaving their stuff everywhere.

Tap class today was a strong “kick in the pants” for me about our influence as mothers. Self image is fragile and dangerous territory for our daughters. I see no reason why they can’t begin practicing self image meditation while they are young. If they have a strong connection with their inner goddess, they’ll be less likely to lose touch with her later in life. (That’s my theory, anyway, and I’m sticking to it). So ladies, don’t forget that you MUST see more that what stares back at you in the mirror. In your mind, you can give yourself the same advantages that top models and actresses have—a beautiful setting, perfect lighting, hair and makeup, a gorgeous (to die for costume) a softening filter if you are over 30, and incredible music to elevate your mood. Don’t forget airbrushing and cropping.

The visual images you can create in your mind are as powerful as the images you see in real life. It just takes a few moments a day. And before you know it, that vision you create in your mind of the goddess you are, will be staring back at you in the mirror!

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To channel your inner Rockette and find the goddess within, I highly recommend the guided meditations of Tricia Brennan. http://www.triciabrennan.com/. Look specifically at Body Transformation for this topic, but all her products are wonderfully enlightening.