The Fifth Thing I Love About Home School--Progress!

I had my first meeting today with my ES to present proof of our “progress”. In the home school world, the ES or Education Specialist is the master teacher who oversees a group of home schooling families. She has accountability to make sure families are progressing towards their goals.

I have been nervously anticipating this meeting for a few weeks. Would we “measure up?” Or would we be sent back to our desks to redo our work? I spent about 3 hours last night reviewing and carefully selecting work samples from all our subject areas that would best represent my children’s progress. I packaged it up neatly, along with our attendance records and curriculum in preparation for the meeting.

The meeting went great. In fact, it was somewhat anticlimactic when I found out that the only person to see our work is our ES and that the samples I so thoughtfully selected basically sit in a storage facility awaiting future possible audit. Should there be one, I’ll volunteer to have my file reviewed, just so someone else can bear witness to our progress.

It turns out, the old “hold onto the paper for 7 years routine” applies to home school too. After being in business for myself for years, I could have purchased a mountain cabin in Aspen for what I have spent in storage space in order to comply with state and federally mandated “record keeping”. But I didn’t even care. It was sort of like life. I am enjoying the journey rather than the destination. These meetings are merely symbolic milestones for parents to measure progress. And reviewing our progress left me 100% certain that we have made the right choice for our family and children.

Learning at home is whatever you decide to make of it. And thanks to the efforts and participation of my children, we are getting a lot out of our homeschooling adventure. The level of learning is incredible. The flexibility is awesome! I keep a log of “projects” I want to do. The only thing lacking is the time to do them all. In the last 6 weeks, we have been able to do so much that we wouldn’t have if we were obligated to school. But that’s just where I want to be in my world right now, and I realize that we are all on different paths.

Here’s what I believe applies to all of us. No matter what our circumstances in life, we need to take time to measure and appreciate our progress. We also need to realize that just small, incremental improvements in a given area add up to tremendous improvements over time. Someone once said to me, “you don’t have to change everything overnight. In fact, you’ll be more successful in the long run at reaching your goals if you make small but consistent improvements.” You must remain committed to your outcome, because sometimes your progress will seem imperceptible. But then you’ll have a moment like I did yesterday, when you step back and take an objective look at what you’ve accomplished and think, “that’s pretty awesome!”

Enjoy your successes and share them often. Move confidently in the direction of your dreams, and don’t forget to celebrate your progress along the way!

Lord Help Me! I’m “Off The Grid!”

I found a really funny email in my inbox today. I got a message from the husband of an acquaintance of mine, apologizing to me on behalf of his wife because she had not responded to my emails. “She’s off the grid for a week,” he explained “and wants you to know that everything is okay.” Off the Grid! At first I felt sorry for her. It sounded to absolutely tragic—this being “off grid”. And then it made me laugh. I can’t wait to talk to her to find out exactly what she’s been up too. My friend is very “tuned in” so I imagine this was some type of spiritual retreat. Or, maybe she had given up “the grid” for Lent. My imagination is running wild with this one!

What the heck is “the grid?” Have we become so addicted to our electronic connections that we can’t even function without them? Do we periodically have to “check off the grid” for an extended period of time just to make sure we can deal with life? My friend, I am not trivializing your “off grid experience” and I really cannot wait to hear about it. But I am laughing hysterically at myself!

For the last 34.6 hours, I have been experiencing my own “off grid” experience accompanied by a mild anxiety attack. We’ve been having a lot of rain here in sunny southern California, and when that happens, we lose our cable and internet for extended periods of time (which in my world is anything over 45 minutes). Thank God, it was over the weekend and on a holiday so it didn’t affect our home school routine. That would have really sent me into a tail spin. But, I can tell you, I felt completely lost without my invisible connection to “the grid”. What was I missing? Who was trying to contact me? How many great posts had I missed on blogs that I follow? Would anyone remember me when I came back? Or worse, would anyone actually have missed me?

Thankfully, my “off grid” experience ended in 34.6 hours after many infuriating phone calls to “customer service.” But, I think it begs the question about the role of technology in our lives. Not only are we balancing the normal aspects of relationships, family, friends, health and career, and spirituality, but we are now in a constant struggle to balance technology. And within any single “connected family”, there are individual technology balancing struggles taking place. Not only do I have to monitor my own “grid addiction” but I have to monitor my children’s grid additions. Hopefully my husband can handle his, although I have often thought an intervention was appropriate for him.
I very clearly remember life before all this “grid mania”. It was simple and Rockwellian. You didn’t answer the phone during dinner. A secretary took your messages and you returned them when the time was right. And, people still wrote letters to each other. We controlled our time and the timing of our communication with people. We didn’t just respond to ill timed and unwanted incoming communication missiles. Now, I believe, the tables have turned. Who is in control? If we aren’t careful, “the grid” controls us!

The family dinner hour was hijacked by telemarketer’s years ago. This, I believe, opened the door. Today, cell phones interrupt dinner conversations and drivers focus on texting rather than driving. We no longer have “work time” and “family time”, because bosses and job demands can find us through “the grid.” We get more spam than we do legitimate, quality communication, and the art of having a good old fashioned face to face, heart to heart conversation seems to be lost! Replaced by the now preferred method of communication, “the grid”.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!!! And I really appreciate it in a home school environment. We have access to unbelievable information and with technology; we can take learning to a whole new level. Like many things, it requires moderation and balance.

But I wonder about the long term implications of our new preferred method of communication. Will our addition to “the grid” enhance or destroy us? What are your thoughts?

Why Selfless Giving Requires a State of ETERNAL Internal Abundance.

For the next two weeks, my children and I are studying on the concept of GIVING in our leadership class. Teaching this is more complicated than I expected. My 9 and 10 year old are still dangerously close to the “it’s all about me” stage of their development. Like any normal elementary age kids, they have their empathetic and generous moments which can turn instantaneously turn into greed and selfishness. Hmmmm!!!! Maybe that behavior isn’t just limited to children. It seems to apply to me, too, and a little too closely, I might add.

I have a plethora of resources in my leadership library to supplement my teaching on this topic, but there is one really basic concept that MUST come through if they are going to get it. In order to give, you must have something to give. This requires one to be in a state of eternal internal abundance. What is this internal state of abundance and how does one get there? Eternally!

Well, let’s start with what it is not. It is not scarcity. It is not lack. It is not “protectionism”. This buzzword—“protectionism” has been popping up everywhere lately. It seems like all the major news channels and financial newsletters are all talking about how a new trend towards “protectionism” by many of the world’s leading economies, will escalate and prolong this global economic downturn. Well, that just sums it up perfectly! When we are in a state of scarcity or lack, we become protectionists, ultimately prolonging our scarcity and lack creating a downward death spiral of doom. Wow! That was depressing. But, isn’t that sort of the mindset of the collective consciousness right now? We have to snap out of this! Collectively.

On the other hand, when you are in a state of internal abundance, you are open to unlimited possibilities. You realize that the world has unlimited resources for everyone to enjoy, and that God really intended all of us to partake in the abundance He created. When you feel abundant, you believe you can give and give and give and still have more than enough. The giving begets giving—which perfectly describes the classic “art of reciprocation.” Every good sales person knows that in order to close the sale, they must give away something of value. I am hoping I can teach this concept to my children minus the manipulative salesperson techniques and sponsorship opportunities.

So, I have my hands full this week. How do you teach others (including myself) that it is in your best interest in life to remain in a state of ETERNAL internal abundance? And how do you actually get there? I am open to ideas. This blog is actually a cry for help!

In order to understand giving, we must understand what it is not. And once the intellectual understanding is instilled, we must move on to the practical day to day applications of being brave enough to put aside our own selfish needs in order to offer something up to someone else. And why is it often most difficult to do this with those we are closest too? That’s for another blog.

Somehow, I don’t think it will be learned in a few lessons. I think we’ll be working on this for a lifetime. Maybe that’s where the ETERNAL aspect of this comes in to play.

My kids will need a few “lighter” examples of this principle to inspire them. We watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight. That was an appropriate start and provided a few opportune moments of selfless giving sponsored by Sears. I have a feeling I’ll be digging up the movie “Pay it Forward” as well, and maybe a few episodes of Oprah’s “Big Give.” On a deeper and more spiritual level, our Mother Teresa reports are due this week, and she is and amazing contemporary example of “selfless giving.”

So let me offer up one of my favorite quotes by her. Hopefully it will inspire you as much as it has me.

DO IT ANYWAY
Sign In Mother Teresa's Office

People are unreasonable,
illogical, and self-centered

LOVE THEM ANYWAY

If you do good, people will
accuse you of selfish,
ulterior motives,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

If you are successful, you win
false friends and true enemies,

SUCCEED ANYWAY

The good you do will
be forgotten tomorrow,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

Honesty and frankness
make you vulnerable,

BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY

What you spent years building
may be destroyed overnight,

BUILD ANYWAY

People really need help but
may attack you if you help them,

HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY

Give the world the best you
have and you'll get kicked
in the teeth,

GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE GOT ANYWAY.


From a sign on the wall
of Shishu Bhavan,
the Children's home in Calcutta

Is Your Life Holding You Hostage? Take It Back!

I have been getting the “why” question a lot lately. In fact, a mom responded thoughtfully to one of my blogs on Cafemom.com today and inquired about a seeming discrepancy in something I wrote. I mentioned that before our decision to home school, we were in a lovely Catholic school with great teachers. She wanted to know why we made the decision to home school if we were happy with our school. It wasn’t that anything was specifically wrong. It was that everything wasn’t right!

I felt we could do so much better! I knew in my heart that our family was being pulled in too many directions. We were starved for any kind of time, let alone quality family time. We were suffering, individually and as a family. There weren’t any alarming behavioral problems. The kids were getting great grades, developing friendships and they were generally in a good mood when I picked them up. But the little things were adding up. Bickering in the car on the way home, hardly being able to get out of bed in the morning, being unenthusiastic and resistant to the next organized activity or event posed constant parenting challenges. I was tired, impatient and crabby, and I am adult who can control my emotions. My children definitely weren’t getting the best of me. If I was tired and crabby, I knew they must be too, even more so.

My observation is that as a society, we are caught up in a predetermined and unquestioned system of operating. We are so “caught up in keeping up”, that we don’t have the time and energy to question why we are doing it until something dramatic happens. Every home school parent I have spoken too has had their “straw that broke the camel’s back” moment--that unforgettable moment of truth that caused them to take a second look at what they were doing, question everything, and acknowledge that things could be different.

I had that moment. Several of them, in fact, had stacked on top of each other until I had reached my personal breaking point. The system was holding my family hostage. I was like Mel Gibson in the movie Ransom—I wanted my family back, and I was willing to pay any price! Ironically, the price I am paying now is significantly less than that private school cost.

We are a pretty typical family, I think. My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have two kids and a dog. My husband works, a lot. I had my own company for the last 20 years, and have decided now to stay at home to teach the kids. Our kids are involved in a number of activities and have active social lives. It wasn’t that we wanted to give things up as much as it was that we wanted to use our time more effectively so we could spend more time with each other. Serving as the family chauffeur, putting on 100 + miles per day so that other people could teach and influence my children didn’t seem to be the best use of time. It certainly wasn’t in the best interest of my family. It wasn’t working for us. With home school, we have cut most of the driving, increased our learning, eliminated homework (don’t get me started on homework as the world’s greatest time stealer), and taken back our family life.

I want to stress, that I am not here to criticize traditional school or those who choose that path. We, personally have been in schools we have loved and some that were not so great. I know many folks in great schools that are thrilled. They system works for them. I have also met some home school families who really aren’t doing their kids any favor. So there can be problems with any system as well as benefits.

What I AM advocating is that we all take a serious look at our lives to see what is working and what is not working. Life is short. If something isn’t working, change it. As a society, we need to question the distractions in our lives that keep us from remaining family focused. We live in a country that encourages creative solutions. Anything is possible with imagination, creativity, resourcefulness and flexibility.

If your life is holding you hostage, take it back! The power to choose the life we have dreamed of is entirely within our control.

The Fourth Thing I Love About Home Schooling—Witnessing Divine Inspiration!

One fabulous thing about children is that God and all that is “divine” easily comes through them. Anyone who spends some quality time with children has witnessed this phenomenon. I have a theory developing about home schooling. I think, because home school is tailored to your children’s interests, they spend more time in a state of mastery, which allows more of these moments to happen. And, because you are right there with them, there is no way to miss it, unless you happen to be making them a snack.

Here’s what happened to us today. We are studying the American Revolution and I wanted the kids to write a poem today about George Washington crossing the Delaware. My recollection of learning this event was very vague. I am pretty sure this subject was covered in one paragraph of a history primer some time during second or third grade and then long forgotten. What we have learned this time around is much more comprehensive because this is now our favorite subject. I need to give a brief accounting of this event so you understand the context of what she wrote. If you are a history buff, bear with me.

George Washington was a hero in the eyes of the Colonists and a “shoe in” as the first General of the Colonial Army. Interestingly, his career as a General, prior to and during the Revolution pretty much consisted of losses in battles. He didn’t exactly have great winning stats behind him. He desperately needed “a win” to garner commitment from his shoestring army and financial support from the King of France. (It turns out, even in Colonial days, fundraising was a necessary evil).

George Washington effectively utilized spies during the Revolutionary War, and one of them, a man named John Honeywell, managed to infiltrate the hired German soldiers (the Hessions) who were fighting on behalf of Great Brittain. He told General Raul that Washington’s army was in dire straights, disorganized and posed no threat to the Hessions. He was truthful about the first two items. He returned to Washington and effectively described the essential details of the Brittish encampment so that he could plan his attack. The Hessions were flush with food, supplies, uniforms and cash. It turns out they had everything that they needed except “divine inspiration.”

Washington had nothing working in his favor. The men were starving, bare foot, sick, exhausted and broke. Most were hanging on by a prayer, but somehow Washington instilled in them, a sense of divine inspiration. On Christmas morning 1776, Washington and his men crossed 9 miles of the Delaware River through ice and a blistering storm, taking the Hessions by surprise and capturing 900 men. It was our first and possibly most important victory.

I wanted my children to recount this story in the form of a poem so that we could efficiently combine writing and history. What I got was “divine inspiration” that comes only from a sense of mastery. My daughter knew the details of the story so well, that she was beyond them. She went straight to the heart of the matter--the emotional state of the Colonial soldiers and the faith they put in their leader-GW. This is what she wrote and I swear to you, it took her all of 10 minutes. I helped her with the word “anguish”, and that was my sole contribution. I made one other suggestion and she quickly responded, “no Mom, it is exactly as it should be.” She was right. Who am I to interfere with this level of divinity?

American Delaware

Here we are waiting;
cold, bare, wanting to know.
How we will live with those dying,
those poor, anguished, and given up?
We know not how it will go,
that horrible bloody war lying ahead.
They have those which withstand,
have what they have, and create death.
We God forsaken men shall die of hunger, and frost;
loved ones crying at our beds.
Again we will perish for they do not know
we struggle to survive for the fate of our country...America.
Our leader lives with no hatred, only trust in us.
We have let him down for we have died without faith or triumph
He has tried to lift hopes,
but no peace is there.
But our spirit lives on with our dreams,
and we shall live on with our hopes.

~Austin Nicole Eder
age 10, 2/11/09

This was my nauseatingly proud parent moment! Thanks for sharing it with me. I know we have all had them, but I think we need to take the time to marvel in their divinity!

The Secret to Living is giving! And why Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

Six weeks in and loving it! In my mind, we’re now officially “home schoolers!” I was poignantly reminded of this when we walked into Color Me Mine, a local “make your own pottery place” that we frequent under the guise of “art class”. We were there to pick up our latest masterpieces. The clerk at the counter asked the kids if they had started their Valentines yet, and I chuckled. “We’re home schooled”, I quickly offered. “We don’t have to do those anymore.” And subconsciously, I felt myself release a HUGE sigh of relief as I recalled prior years and what Valentine’s Day meant in our world.

Typically, I hadn’t planned ahead. Usually, it hit me in the early evening the night before that I had again failed as a mother by not preparing for this event in July. My children would be shunned. Where would I find decent Valentines at 7:30 p.m. on a school night? Would I really have the energy to make the pilgrimage to every local Rite Aid until I found them? How could I then coerce my children to stay up until the wee hours of the morning writing notes of endearment to 25 acquaintances that they honestly weren’t that fond of? I even ventured into the extreme danger zone. “What is the worst thing that could happen if we just didn’t bring anything?” Ouch. Thankfully, we never went there. But, we never did school Valentine’s Day very well, and I was overjoyed to realize that I was leaving it behind!

Then, almost miraculously, I noticed a very sweet scene unfolding at the table next to the counter where we awaited our “prized creations”. A young father, with his two, itty bitty daughters had taken their Saturday afternoon to paint heart shaped statues with their heartfelt thoughts of appreciation lovingly expressed in color palettes that only a 3 and 5 year old could conceive of. First and foremost, I was in awe about the fact that he had planned so far ahead. His biggest dilemma now was whether to pay the $5 rush charge to absolutely guarantee, without a doubt that his wife could receive these treasures on Valentine’s Day. (He opted for the rush fee by the way. This guy was committed!)

How wonderful, I thought to myself. He took it upon himself to surprise his wife with these selfless displays of giving and he involved his children in the process. Think of the life lessons. Think of the memories. Think of the love his wife would feel and she opened these treasures on Valentine’s morning! (This guy would be good at homeschooling, I thought). And the amazing thing is (in my opinion at least) that he nailed it! As a mom, what I want most from my loved ones are these earnest and spontaneous gestures of unconditional love. Forget the flowers. Skip the chocolate! It’s appreciation, acknowledgment and a great back rub that I crave more than anything.

How “coincidental” it was that this caught my attention now. Our leadership topic for this week is “It is better to give than to receive”. It left me wondering what it is that my own significant other craves more than anything this Valentine’s Day. How far would a selfless gesture of our appreciation go in his mind? Sounds like an experiment worth pursuing. Hmmm. … I need to start on this now.

It also left me thinking that I could get it together for once in my life and have the kids make Valentines for the people in their life that are truly important to them and maybe, just maybe (I am not promising anything) get them in the mail in time to make a difference on that special day!

I have our “house rules” posted in the heart of our home--our refrigerator. The title, in 72 pt bold type says The Secret to Living is Giving! And this is followed by a list of Eder Family commandments by which we must abide. Somehow, I hope that each day as they grab their physical sustenance, they absorb some spiritual sustenance. I am not sure it is working. In fact, I am pretty sure that they selectively ignore this reminder now. As a back-up plan, I have a great curriculum laid out this for this week with excerpts from “giving gurus” to help my kids understand this important concept; “It is better to give than to receive.” My children will listen with varying degrees of open-mindedness, I am sure.

But sometimes it is the simple things, like actually doing something that mean so much more! Actions do speak louder than words. THERE ARE FOUR DAYS LEFT UNTIL VALENTINE’S DAY, a radio commercial just screamed to me. We’ll be getting busy now!

Week 5 Wrap up—Unlimited Possibilities.

This week we studied the concept of opening your mind to unlimited possibilities so you can create a masterpiece for your life. There’s a fantastic scene in the musical Wicked in which the main character, the Bad witch Elphaba, reaches her breaking point. If you’re not familiar with this story, she is actually the good witch but society has labeled her as “the bad witch” because of her appearance. And the character we all know as Glenda the good witch in the Wizard of Oz, who is Galinda with a “ga” in Wicked, turns out to not be so good after all.

Elphaba, has been ostracized her whole life for her freakishly green color, and has been told she will never amount to anything. But she knows deep in the crevasses of her soul that she is so much more than the limits that have been placed upon her by herself and others. In the climactic song, Defying Gravity, she vows to vanquish the limits on her life so she can fulfill her destiny and unleash her awesome magical powers to manifest good.

I believe we all have awesome magical powers and we can all do the same!

As part of our leadership series this week, the kids and I partook in a guided meditation that turned us into futuristic warriors with light savors. We ceremoniously zapped the problems out of our lives. With a clear head, we were free to discover the possibilities we can create when there are no limits, self imposed or otherwise, to hold us back.

This process was not only fun, but shed some very interesting insight into the minds of my children. Possibilities emerged such as “becoming the 50th president of the United States”, and “starring as Galinda in the Wicked Musical” and filming a movie on top of the Hollywood sign. Big dreams out of little packages, but entirely attainable with a little focus, preparation and practice.

As adults, how often do we metaphorically try to defy gravity? Dr. Wayne Dyer very wisely suggests that it’s never too late, and that we should not leave this planet with our music still in us. But have the pressures of daily life, our own self doubt, fear of failure and extenuating external circumstances caused us to turn the volume down so low on our own music that we can no longer hear it?

The author, Sark, speaks of bodacious succulent living. I love that phrase! Just the silliness of it puts me immediately in a “no limits” state of mind. I think it’s time for all of us to create some bodacious succulence in our lives. I like to start off each year with this Bodacious Succulence session. I have not called it that in the past. I have simply called it my annual “no limits goals session”, but going forward I have decided to adopt Sark’s language.

This process is very fun whether you do it alone or with someone. All you need is a quiet spot, an open mind, some great inspiring music and something to write with. (The theme from Star Wars works great for the first part of this, by the way).

Here’s what you do: Meditate for a few moments (that simply means be quiet and close your eyes). Become completely child-like and transform yourself into that legend in your own mind--your best warrior self, in full color and larger than life. See yourself on the big screen if it helps. Courageously, fearlessly, relentlessly zap the problems out of your life. See them coming at you from all directions and just vaporize them. Repeat until you have a clear head.

Then put on your inspirational, “no limits” music and think about everything you would like to create in your life. When you find limiting beliefs creeping back into your consciousness, call upon the warrior again, vaporize it and get back to work.

I think you’ll be really surprised at how amazing your list is. Review it. Select your top 3-5 and start working towards your goals. You might find your whole life changes. This process works for me. I have had some of my biggest personal breakthroughs as a result of it, and I am certain I will continue to use it throughout my life. I wanted to teach it to my kids early so they realize that the quality of their life is created by the thoughts they have.

Thoughts are definitely things, and by having the right thoughts, we can create a life of unlimited possibilities! Go on. I dare you to create the life you’ve imagined.