Last week, I pulled another book out of the archives for some spiritual stimulation—Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill. To me, it is the original version of the recently popular pop psychology phenomenon, “The Secret”, and like most originals, far superior to the copy. It is a classic motivational book which reveals the spiritual secrets of success and riches per Andrew Carnegie. It covers such topics as the laws of attraction, faith, desire, visualization, strategy, planning and discipline and has provided inspiration and practical strategies for millions of people since it was first published in 1937.
One principle in particular, the principle of the “mastermind group” was something that I used extensively in my early career. I thought I was using it effectively, but looking back now, I realize I had misused the concept and then prematurely abandoned it. I viewed it as simply a form of networking, or creating proximity to powerful people with the expressed goal of meeting as many “potential customers” as possible. That was very one sided of me. No wonder it wasn’t that effective. Now, I understand that I had completely missed the point! Had I utilized it as suggested and intended by the author, I might still be using it today. I plan to reacquaint myself with the concept while simultaneously teaching this idea to my children. It will be interesting to see who they pick for their Mastermind groups. I am sure the creator of Pokemon will be on my son’s list.
A “mastermind group” allows one to select an “ideal” group of mentors, real or imagined who possess individual character traits that you value most. Members should be chosen carefully and studied intensely. He even suggests that you journal, “conversation style”, with your mastermind mentors on a regular basis to witness how they would approach opportunities and solve problems if they could speak to you. I think this is absolutely brilliant and it reminded me of some training I acquired recently in a seminar. It required that we “call upon” popular archetypes such as the “powerful magician”, the “fearless warrior”, the “stately King/Queen”, and the “wise sage” to help us find more creative solutions to problems.
It works like this…
Pick a personal problem or a challenge that has defied resolution, and then step alternatively into the character of the four archetypes mentioned above. See and analyze the problem (objectively) as if you were that character. It may seem utterly ridiculous, but it works! It’s even more powerful if you find music suited to those archetypes and meditate while doing this. Keep a journal of your thoughts after each meditation and then analyze your entries upon completion.
My theory is that the “mastermind group” will enable you to expand and intensify this process because the mentors you choose will reflect the qualities you determine are most important in creating the life you really, really, really want. Calling upon their wisdom through your own powers of imagination and visualization will unlock solutions and opportunities that you might not have otherwise unlocked. Selection of your group is critical because these members will help shape your destiny.
In these times of great uncertainty, I believe it is important for each of us to call upon our internal resources and use our imaginations to expand our thinking. The same level of thinking that got us to where we are now, will not take us to where we want to be. Remove the limitations in your life--call upon the Master Minds to create an inspirational Board of Directors for yourself.
I would love to hear who you’ve appointed to your Mastermind Group!
I offer mine:
Love/giving/contribution: Mother Teresa
Passion Benjamin Franklin
Growth and Education Ralph Waldo Emerson
Communication Intuitive Counselor, Tricia Brennan
Coaching Tony Robbins
Creativity/Ingenuity Leonardo DaVinci
Intelligence Albert Einstein
Persistence Helen Keller
Spirituality Dr. Wayne Dyer
Wealth Warren Buffet
Integrity/Ethics My Grandfather and Abraham Lincoln
Courage Ghandi
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
The 7th Thing I Love About Home School—School is Where You Take it and Make It!
“Do you mind if I get dressed real quick and just go check on the kids to make sure they are not killing each other?” I said to the mammography technician as she released my right breast and told me to get the left one ready. “You see, we’re homeschooled, so I brought them with me and left them by themselves in the lobby. I just want to check on them.”
“Excuse me? She remarked. I guessed this probably wasn’t a common question in her world. But boob smashing wasn’t common in my world either so I considered things “even Steven.” I suppose the pleading look in my eyes (which might have been the result of severe pain after having my breast smashed to ¼” pancake between two cold plates), told her not to deny my request. She reluctantly conceded. I grabbed my clothes and bolted.
20 minutes earlier, I left my children in the lobby with a backpack full of school work and strict instructions to complete 3 math pages, 2 grammar pages, 1 vocabulary lesson, 1 American History lesson, 3 chapters in science, free reading and foreign language by time I returned. I figured if I piled on enough in the expectations department, they were less likely to get into trouble. This elicited some interesting looks from patrons in the lobby. “Oh, and try not to kill each other, either.” With that, I turned on my heels and proceeded to my exam room. I smiled at the condescending old lady sitting who was disapprovingly watching this scene unfold and remarked, “Don’t worry, they probably won’t hurt each other too badly,” as I passed her.
For those of you who are concerned about child abandonment, I assure you that before I began “setting expectations” for the school day, I introduced them to all the ladies behind the desk and made sure the environment was safe. And, what I found when I reentered the lobby to check on them warmed my heart. They were helping each other with math and eating apples. No, they hadn’t completed even 1/3 of the work on my list, but I was satisfied that all was good. I kissed them proudly and proceeded back to the “torture chamber”. Disapproving old lady was more at ease at this point.
With one annual procedure crossed off the “to do list”, we headed down to the corner of Ocean and Broadway near the Santa Monica Pier and enjoyed a lovely lunch that I will remember for years to come. We had the best corner window table with an ocean view all to ourselves! We had missed the business lunch crowd and were pretty much alone. I quizzed them on what they had learned that morning, we talked about the animals we learned about on our field trip to San Diego Sea World the day before, and it struck me, this is my 7th favorite thing about home schooling!
I reflected on the past week and realized our bean bags were cold and lonely. We hadn’t been in them for 5 school days. Our “extenuating circumstances” had included a field trip to Sea World, taping of a podcast at my daughter’s ballet studio, a school performance, extra coaching in preparation for a dance competition, and a boring doctor’s appointment that was turned into a really memorable experience for all of us. Our books and our bodies had been in the car all week and the amazing thing is that we hadn’t skipped a beat. We were a little light on the core subjects, but we had made up for it with all the enrichment activities and time spent together enjoying each other’s company.
It really opened my mind to the fact that school doesn’t have to be contained within four walls. In fact, I am beginning to believe that within 3-5 years, a significant percentage of education will be delivered this way. It just makes sense with the high cost associated with providing an education for children and budget cuts that most states continue to face. Most top universities including Harvard, Stanford and MIT offer online programs and some even have programs for gifted children at the elementary and high school levels.
It’s a brilliant move on the part of the universities to “hook” their future patrons at an early age, and I think it demonstrates how powerful the option of learning beyond the class room really is—school truly is where you take it and make it!
“Excuse me? She remarked. I guessed this probably wasn’t a common question in her world. But boob smashing wasn’t common in my world either so I considered things “even Steven.” I suppose the pleading look in my eyes (which might have been the result of severe pain after having my breast smashed to ¼” pancake between two cold plates), told her not to deny my request. She reluctantly conceded. I grabbed my clothes and bolted.
20 minutes earlier, I left my children in the lobby with a backpack full of school work and strict instructions to complete 3 math pages, 2 grammar pages, 1 vocabulary lesson, 1 American History lesson, 3 chapters in science, free reading and foreign language by time I returned. I figured if I piled on enough in the expectations department, they were less likely to get into trouble. This elicited some interesting looks from patrons in the lobby. “Oh, and try not to kill each other, either.” With that, I turned on my heels and proceeded to my exam room. I smiled at the condescending old lady sitting who was disapprovingly watching this scene unfold and remarked, “Don’t worry, they probably won’t hurt each other too badly,” as I passed her.
For those of you who are concerned about child abandonment, I assure you that before I began “setting expectations” for the school day, I introduced them to all the ladies behind the desk and made sure the environment was safe. And, what I found when I reentered the lobby to check on them warmed my heart. They were helping each other with math and eating apples. No, they hadn’t completed even 1/3 of the work on my list, but I was satisfied that all was good. I kissed them proudly and proceeded back to the “torture chamber”. Disapproving old lady was more at ease at this point.
With one annual procedure crossed off the “to do list”, we headed down to the corner of Ocean and Broadway near the Santa Monica Pier and enjoyed a lovely lunch that I will remember for years to come. We had the best corner window table with an ocean view all to ourselves! We had missed the business lunch crowd and were pretty much alone. I quizzed them on what they had learned that morning, we talked about the animals we learned about on our field trip to San Diego Sea World the day before, and it struck me, this is my 7th favorite thing about home schooling!
I reflected on the past week and realized our bean bags were cold and lonely. We hadn’t been in them for 5 school days. Our “extenuating circumstances” had included a field trip to Sea World, taping of a podcast at my daughter’s ballet studio, a school performance, extra coaching in preparation for a dance competition, and a boring doctor’s appointment that was turned into a really memorable experience for all of us. Our books and our bodies had been in the car all week and the amazing thing is that we hadn’t skipped a beat. We were a little light on the core subjects, but we had made up for it with all the enrichment activities and time spent together enjoying each other’s company.
It really opened my mind to the fact that school doesn’t have to be contained within four walls. In fact, I am beginning to believe that within 3-5 years, a significant percentage of education will be delivered this way. It just makes sense with the high cost associated with providing an education for children and budget cuts that most states continue to face. Most top universities including Harvard, Stanford and MIT offer online programs and some even have programs for gifted children at the elementary and high school levels.
It’s a brilliant move on the part of the universities to “hook” their future patrons at an early age, and I think it demonstrates how powerful the option of learning beyond the class room really is—school truly is where you take it and make it!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Are Your Defining Moments Defining You or Defying You?
By chance, I saw the movie, SlumDog Millionaire this weekend. I say “by chance” because I wasn’t planning on seeing it. Since it got so much “buzz” at the awards ceremonies, I was somewhat resistant to see it and therefore neatly “filed it” into my mental archives of over-rated Hollywood films. Within 10 minutes, I realized this masterpiece will probably be remembered as one of the top 100 movies of all time due to a great script and powerful storytelling. It’s my new favorite movie and one that revolves around the story of a young man’s defining moments and how they liberate him from the prison of his life.
I walked out of the theatre, I grabbed the the only scrap of paper I could find in my purse and began furiously scribbling notes about my own defining moments. I couldn’t wait back to become the “objective observer and look back at my life.” I wanted to know if my defining moments were actually defining me or defying me? My husband looked at me rather strangely, but has learned not to question these fits of inspiration.
Slum Dog Millionaire is the story of two brothers (Salim and Jamal Malik) orphaned early in their lives. They struggle daily for survival and learn about life through a series of compromises, challenges, and the occasional small triumph. One brother ultimately chooses a path of corruption and destruction and the other chooses a life of love, purpose and hope.
The story is simply told from the point of view of Jamal, as he sits center stage under the bright lights of scrutiny on the Indian version of the game show, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” Each question he is challenged to answer, forces him to recall one more of the defining moments of his life. Through this mechanism, the movie unfolds.
I drew an interesting parallel to my own life as I realized that some of these events were thrust upon him by fate, and others he created through his own choices. I began to consider the age old question of whether our lives are more influenced by free will or destiny. Is our destiny written, as Jamal believes in the story, or do we “sit in the driver’s seat”, shaping our lives through a series of choices, good or bad? Who really knows? I certainly don’t, but I am ever fascinated by that question and I change sides of the argument as often as I change my clothing. But, by witnessing the recount of his Jamal’s life’s defining moments, I began to lean towards “destiny”, at least for the time being.
IF so little is directly in our control, aren’t we better served by focusing our energy on creating an empowering meaning for the events of our life rather than assigning blame, feeling shame or wallowing sense of failure when things go horribly wrong? I can see why people so often turn to prayer or a higher source for faith and strength. I can also understand why discovering our own sense of purpose in life, can help guide us through good times and bad, and better cope with the challenges we might be presented as our life unfolds.
Back to Jamal….
In a strange twist of fate, the last question of the game show happens to be an unanswered question lingering from his childhood—a question to which he has never known the answer! Instead of crumbling under the pressure, he smiles in disbelief that his entire fate is hinges on this unfortunate question. He throws caution to the wind, trusts his instincts and chooses the answer required to secure the grand prize!
I believe this is a powerful metaphor for our own lives. Sometimes no matter how well you are prepared, you just don’t have the answers. There is nothing left to do but to relax and have faith that things will work out. If I may borrow a phrase from the movie, “It is our destiny—it is written!”
I walked out of the theatre, I grabbed the the only scrap of paper I could find in my purse and began furiously scribbling notes about my own defining moments. I couldn’t wait back to become the “objective observer and look back at my life.” I wanted to know if my defining moments were actually defining me or defying me? My husband looked at me rather strangely, but has learned not to question these fits of inspiration.
Slum Dog Millionaire is the story of two brothers (Salim and Jamal Malik) orphaned early in their lives. They struggle daily for survival and learn about life through a series of compromises, challenges, and the occasional small triumph. One brother ultimately chooses a path of corruption and destruction and the other chooses a life of love, purpose and hope.
The story is simply told from the point of view of Jamal, as he sits center stage under the bright lights of scrutiny on the Indian version of the game show, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” Each question he is challenged to answer, forces him to recall one more of the defining moments of his life. Through this mechanism, the movie unfolds.
I drew an interesting parallel to my own life as I realized that some of these events were thrust upon him by fate, and others he created through his own choices. I began to consider the age old question of whether our lives are more influenced by free will or destiny. Is our destiny written, as Jamal believes in the story, or do we “sit in the driver’s seat”, shaping our lives through a series of choices, good or bad? Who really knows? I certainly don’t, but I am ever fascinated by that question and I change sides of the argument as often as I change my clothing. But, by witnessing the recount of his Jamal’s life’s defining moments, I began to lean towards “destiny”, at least for the time being.
IF so little is directly in our control, aren’t we better served by focusing our energy on creating an empowering meaning for the events of our life rather than assigning blame, feeling shame or wallowing sense of failure when things go horribly wrong? I can see why people so often turn to prayer or a higher source for faith and strength. I can also understand why discovering our own sense of purpose in life, can help guide us through good times and bad, and better cope with the challenges we might be presented as our life unfolds.
Back to Jamal….
In a strange twist of fate, the last question of the game show happens to be an unanswered question lingering from his childhood—a question to which he has never known the answer! Instead of crumbling under the pressure, he smiles in disbelief that his entire fate is hinges on this unfortunate question. He throws caution to the wind, trusts his instincts and chooses the answer required to secure the grand prize!
I believe this is a powerful metaphor for our own lives. Sometimes no matter how well you are prepared, you just don’t have the answers. There is nothing left to do but to relax and have faith that things will work out. If I may borrow a phrase from the movie, “It is our destiny—it is written!”
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Maybe We Should Spend a Little More Time Channeling our Inner Rockette!
“Stay focused girls. Picture the feather head dress and beautiful costume. You have big eyelashes, your make up is glowing and your hair is shining in the stage lighting. You are in perfect unison with the dancers around you. You are unique and gorgeous, but working together harmoniously as if you were one. Now, transcend beyond your outer beauty to the core of who you are. Stay focused! Channel your inner Rockette, girls! See her in all her glory. Now step into her shoes and BE HER!”
Five girls and I partook in this spontaneous meditation during tap class today. I am coaching a very talented group of dancers between the ages of 10 and 14 and we are learning a classic tap number set to “Let’s Misbehave.” Technically, they were getting it, but they weren’t GETTING IT! They needed a strong vision of what was possible in order to take it to the next level.
The three pound gelatinous mass that crowns our being is a very powerful and underutilized asset. What we create in our mind is not trivial. It forms the very foundation of our lives. Never underestimate the power of visualization.
The girls’ performance after this visualization showed a marked improvement over their prior performance. During class today, these girls needed an introduction to their inner Rockettes. I think we all do, ladies. That powerful Goddess inside can “rock the room” in any situation. As mom’s we are pulled in so many directions and we cater to the needs of others so willingly, it’s easy to lose sight of her. Her image grows dim and that is reflected in our appearance.
In your daily health and beauty routine, are you going through the motions, or are really connecting with your higher self? She’s in there. I swear she is. She’s a reflection of who you can be when you believe in, respect and honor yourself as the Goddess you are. But you need to take some time to SEE her. We’ve all had those moments (or maybe even days, or years) in which our higher self is with us in full force. She’s a powerful force. And suddenly, we lose her. Well, I miss my inner Rockette. I am filing a missing person’s report and sending out a search and rescue team to find her.
I am convinced, with meditation and visualization, and a commitment of just a little time per day, we can find her again, and transform ourselves, inside and out. I know this to be true, because I had a profound experience with this during my milestone year, 40--that dreaded birthday in which we suddenly define ourselves as “old.” Well, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “we can’t let an old person get into our bodies”. They take up residence and start leaving their stuff everywhere.
Tap class today was a strong “kick in the pants” for me about our influence as mothers. Self image is fragile and dangerous territory for our daughters. I see no reason why they can’t begin practicing self image meditation while they are young. If they have a strong connection with their inner goddess, they’ll be less likely to lose touch with her later in life. (That’s my theory, anyway, and I’m sticking to it). So ladies, don’t forget that you MUST see more that what stares back at you in the mirror. In your mind, you can give yourself the same advantages that top models and actresses have—a beautiful setting, perfect lighting, hair and makeup, a gorgeous (to die for costume) a softening filter if you are over 30, and incredible music to elevate your mood. Don’t forget airbrushing and cropping.
The visual images you can create in your mind are as powerful as the images you see in real life. It just takes a few moments a day. And before you know it, that vision you create in your mind of the goddess you are, will be staring back at you in the mirror!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
To channel your inner Rockette and find the goddess within, I highly recommend the guided meditations of Tricia Brennan. http://www.triciabrennan.com/. Look specifically at Body Transformation for this topic, but all her products are wonderfully enlightening.
Five girls and I partook in this spontaneous meditation during tap class today. I am coaching a very talented group of dancers between the ages of 10 and 14 and we are learning a classic tap number set to “Let’s Misbehave.” Technically, they were getting it, but they weren’t GETTING IT! They needed a strong vision of what was possible in order to take it to the next level.
The three pound gelatinous mass that crowns our being is a very powerful and underutilized asset. What we create in our mind is not trivial. It forms the very foundation of our lives. Never underestimate the power of visualization.
The girls’ performance after this visualization showed a marked improvement over their prior performance. During class today, these girls needed an introduction to their inner Rockettes. I think we all do, ladies. That powerful Goddess inside can “rock the room” in any situation. As mom’s we are pulled in so many directions and we cater to the needs of others so willingly, it’s easy to lose sight of her. Her image grows dim and that is reflected in our appearance.
In your daily health and beauty routine, are you going through the motions, or are really connecting with your higher self? She’s in there. I swear she is. She’s a reflection of who you can be when you believe in, respect and honor yourself as the Goddess you are. But you need to take some time to SEE her. We’ve all had those moments (or maybe even days, or years) in which our higher self is with us in full force. She’s a powerful force. And suddenly, we lose her. Well, I miss my inner Rockette. I am filing a missing person’s report and sending out a search and rescue team to find her.
I am convinced, with meditation and visualization, and a commitment of just a little time per day, we can find her again, and transform ourselves, inside and out. I know this to be true, because I had a profound experience with this during my milestone year, 40--that dreaded birthday in which we suddenly define ourselves as “old.” Well, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “we can’t let an old person get into our bodies”. They take up residence and start leaving their stuff everywhere.
Tap class today was a strong “kick in the pants” for me about our influence as mothers. Self image is fragile and dangerous territory for our daughters. I see no reason why they can’t begin practicing self image meditation while they are young. If they have a strong connection with their inner goddess, they’ll be less likely to lose touch with her later in life. (That’s my theory, anyway, and I’m sticking to it). So ladies, don’t forget that you MUST see more that what stares back at you in the mirror. In your mind, you can give yourself the same advantages that top models and actresses have—a beautiful setting, perfect lighting, hair and makeup, a gorgeous (to die for costume) a softening filter if you are over 30, and incredible music to elevate your mood. Don’t forget airbrushing and cropping.
The visual images you can create in your mind are as powerful as the images you see in real life. It just takes a few moments a day. And before you know it, that vision you create in your mind of the goddess you are, will be staring back at you in the mirror!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
To channel your inner Rockette and find the goddess within, I highly recommend the guided meditations of Tricia Brennan. http://www.triciabrennan.com/. Look specifically at Body Transformation for this topic, but all her products are wonderfully enlightening.
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Sixth Thing I Love About Home School--Even the Teacher Gets a Final Exam.
Some of you who are following my blog might know that I am developing a leadership program for children. My laboratory is our home school and my children are the lab rats. This week we finished our “first unit” of study in Leadership. Even though I regularly test “my rats” to measure their progress, I decided that a “final exam” was unnecessary since leadership skills are best developed and tested in real life.
But, today I was presented with a “final exam” of my own when I encountered a situation that challenged me to “practice what I preach.” The situation was a direct result of my entre’ into the dangerous and scary world of “political blogging”. I don’t go there very often since my focus right now is decidedly “spiritual and documentary”. But the contents of Obama’s first congressional address left me feeling compelled to comment. Upon completing my final spell check, I broadcast my “polito-blog” into the cyber universe in a big way—to 45,000 unsuspecting members of cafemom.com.
I quickly discovered that “political blogging” attracts a variety of moms, desirable and not so. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. In fact, I suspected that I might be in the minority on the topic I selected. I learned that the internet can have the same effect on people as drinking too many margaritas at Marti Gras. Folks lose their inhibitions, their manners and their sense of decency. One response really sent me into a funk, and I harbored negativity for a full hour before I regained control of my emotions.
To clear my head, I took my morning walk and it suddenly it hit me—I had it all wrong! This virtual stranger who had so voraciously attacked me was in fact, just testing me. My “final exam” was neatly packaged in her five paragraph response, and it was up to me to step up and take it. This test forced me to utilize and master each of the five topics we have studied to date:
Lesson 1: When You Rule Your Mind, You Rule Your World!
“How can I craft my verbal retaliation?” was the first question that popped into my head. Since we create our reality with our focus, the questions we ask ourselves are critical. Mine was leading me quickly down the wrong path. To ameliorate my thinking, I crafted a better question. “How can this help me?” This answer put me in a position of power instead of a place of negativity and anger.
Lesson 2: Without Vision, the People Perish.
No amount of words on a page would change her point of view. I needed to remain focused on my own long term vision to find the appropriate response to the situation. Verbal sparring wasn’t the answer. But searching for meaning was. It didn’t take long to find it.
Lesson 3: Love Can Endure the Fault We Cannot Cure.
My natural response was to put on the gloves and come out fighting. I think this is often what we do when we find ourselves on opposite sides of an issue. But when I thought of Lesson 3, it was simple. I couldn’t cure her faults and she couldn’t cure mine. The best resolution we could hope for was to agree to disagree. I put myself into a state of “unconditional love” and crafted a simple, gracious response.
Lesson 4: There are More Possibilities in the Universe than One Can Possibly Imagine.
This became crystal clear as I read her answer. I hadn’t imagined a point of view such as hers, (but I stoop to sarcasm). The real lesson for me was that it is essential to explore the possibilities before responding if you want to create a positive outcome. We always have more than one choice, even when we think we don’t. When dealing with a challenging situation, we must call upon all our internal and external resources to create many options so we can produce positive outcomes and improve our lives.
Lesson 5: As You Give, So Shall You Receive.
My opponent’s opinion was 100% different than mine but that wasn’t the issue. Instead of presenting her point of view in a positive manner, she opted to respond with personal insults and bad language. She intentionally chose her response, and it was incumbent upon me to choose mine. My initial inclination was to unleash upon her with equal vengeance. As you give, so shall you receive. But thankfully, my higher self suggested I think about it and respond with love. I don’t know how it was received on her end. I am guessing it neutralized the situation. Regardless, I know that I did my part to break the cycle of negativity.
In 5 or 10 years, it will be interesting to observe what my children retain from this leadership encounter. As a teacher, I was extremely grateful to have a test of my own. I just hope I passed!
But, today I was presented with a “final exam” of my own when I encountered a situation that challenged me to “practice what I preach.” The situation was a direct result of my entre’ into the dangerous and scary world of “political blogging”. I don’t go there very often since my focus right now is decidedly “spiritual and documentary”. But the contents of Obama’s first congressional address left me feeling compelled to comment. Upon completing my final spell check, I broadcast my “polito-blog” into the cyber universe in a big way—to 45,000 unsuspecting members of cafemom.com.
I quickly discovered that “political blogging” attracts a variety of moms, desirable and not so. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. In fact, I suspected that I might be in the minority on the topic I selected. I learned that the internet can have the same effect on people as drinking too many margaritas at Marti Gras. Folks lose their inhibitions, their manners and their sense of decency. One response really sent me into a funk, and I harbored negativity for a full hour before I regained control of my emotions.
To clear my head, I took my morning walk and it suddenly it hit me—I had it all wrong! This virtual stranger who had so voraciously attacked me was in fact, just testing me. My “final exam” was neatly packaged in her five paragraph response, and it was up to me to step up and take it. This test forced me to utilize and master each of the five topics we have studied to date:
Lesson 1: When You Rule Your Mind, You Rule Your World!
“How can I craft my verbal retaliation?” was the first question that popped into my head. Since we create our reality with our focus, the questions we ask ourselves are critical. Mine was leading me quickly down the wrong path. To ameliorate my thinking, I crafted a better question. “How can this help me?” This answer put me in a position of power instead of a place of negativity and anger.
Lesson 2: Without Vision, the People Perish.
No amount of words on a page would change her point of view. I needed to remain focused on my own long term vision to find the appropriate response to the situation. Verbal sparring wasn’t the answer. But searching for meaning was. It didn’t take long to find it.
Lesson 3: Love Can Endure the Fault We Cannot Cure.
My natural response was to put on the gloves and come out fighting. I think this is often what we do when we find ourselves on opposite sides of an issue. But when I thought of Lesson 3, it was simple. I couldn’t cure her faults and she couldn’t cure mine. The best resolution we could hope for was to agree to disagree. I put myself into a state of “unconditional love” and crafted a simple, gracious response.
Lesson 4: There are More Possibilities in the Universe than One Can Possibly Imagine.
This became crystal clear as I read her answer. I hadn’t imagined a point of view such as hers, (but I stoop to sarcasm). The real lesson for me was that it is essential to explore the possibilities before responding if you want to create a positive outcome. We always have more than one choice, even when we think we don’t. When dealing with a challenging situation, we must call upon all our internal and external resources to create many options so we can produce positive outcomes and improve our lives.
Lesson 5: As You Give, So Shall You Receive.
My opponent’s opinion was 100% different than mine but that wasn’t the issue. Instead of presenting her point of view in a positive manner, she opted to respond with personal insults and bad language. She intentionally chose her response, and it was incumbent upon me to choose mine. My initial inclination was to unleash upon her with equal vengeance. As you give, so shall you receive. But thankfully, my higher self suggested I think about it and respond with love. I don’t know how it was received on her end. I am guessing it neutralized the situation. Regardless, I know that I did my part to break the cycle of negativity.
In 5 or 10 years, it will be interesting to observe what my children retain from this leadership encounter. As a teacher, I was extremely grateful to have a test of my own. I just hope I passed!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
(Still on Giving)… Lord Send me a Sign that I am making some progress!
My kids and I are wrapping up Unit 1 in our Leadership program although I am going to spend one more week on “giving”. This is mostly for my own benefit because I think it is such an important concept and I believe I have a lot to learn in this area.
Over the last six weeks we’ve covered a variety of topics including “what you focus on you get”, “unlimited possibilities” and the importance of “vision and purpose”. We’ve studied the role “unconditional love” plays in our lives, the concept of “unlimited possibilities” and why “the secret to living is giving”. Mother Teresa embodies the qualities we have studied, so naturally, our leadership report for this unit centered on her life, her philosophies, her challenges and accomplishments and how we be more like her in our own lives. My children each wrote a beautiful tribute to Mother Teresa as the “final exam” for this unit. Reading each essay in its final form was very rewarding!
The humbling thing about home schooling is how much I am learning because of my kids. I am now fascinated with Mother Teresa, especially with regard to her selfless giving and her relentless commitment to her guiding principles. Her mission was to help one person at a time and in helping, she sought a personal connection with the abandoned and hopeless. When she sensed the connection was missing, she considered herself “off course”. Mother Teresa’s giving well never ran dry. Her internal resources remained in an eternal state of abundance, and that abundance allowed her to remain “on purpose”.
As I mentioned in a prior blog, the concept of giving is surprisingly challenging to teach to children. I am finding the “KISS” principle (keep it simple sweetie) to be most effective. Coincidently, as I was cleaning a closet this week, I ran across a book that I hadn’t read since my kids were little—“The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. I imagine most parents have read this book, but if you haven’t, I highly recommend it. It is a timeless and ageless story of selfless giving.
It’s the story of a boy and his favorite tree—The Giving Tree. He has a relationship with the tree through his entire life and depends on it for comfort and solitude. As the boy matures from toddler, to young man, to middle age and then his golden years, The Giving Tree always has something to give to the boy. The moral of the story is that no matter what how exhausted, tired or “spent” we are we always have something to give to others.
This “grand leadership experiment” of mine has been fascinating so far! And it’s only just begun. My education specialist asked me if I think it’s working. I am hopeful that it is, although I am well aware of the fact that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. My kids have been mostly receptive to my cause. Their emotions have ranged from extremely bored to wildly inspired (and a lot of in between). So, is it working, you ask? Evidence is mounting that it is. I say this as my children are yelling insults to each other while making cookies. I am choosing to believe that this temporary setback is due to the amount of sugar they are ingesting at the moment.
But, overall, the seeds that have been planted through 30+ hours or so of training are starting to sprout. I see it in their interaction with each other and towards my husband and me. We are definitely closer. I catch sound bites of conversations they are having with each other that include “little tidbits” from our lessons. I get continual requests for “calming meditations” and “visualizations” before we go to sleep. While these seem to be positive indications, a simple sign from God would be beneficial to my ego!
I believe children are very close to God, and while they may not “get” everything we discuss on a purely intellectual level, they get it spiritually. My delusion is that because of this time we are spending, they will understand the power of choice and how their thoughts and decisions affect the quality of their lives. Ultimately, they will incorporate these tools to create a spectacular life!
Over the last six weeks we’ve covered a variety of topics including “what you focus on you get”, “unlimited possibilities” and the importance of “vision and purpose”. We’ve studied the role “unconditional love” plays in our lives, the concept of “unlimited possibilities” and why “the secret to living is giving”. Mother Teresa embodies the qualities we have studied, so naturally, our leadership report for this unit centered on her life, her philosophies, her challenges and accomplishments and how we be more like her in our own lives. My children each wrote a beautiful tribute to Mother Teresa as the “final exam” for this unit. Reading each essay in its final form was very rewarding!
The humbling thing about home schooling is how much I am learning because of my kids. I am now fascinated with Mother Teresa, especially with regard to her selfless giving and her relentless commitment to her guiding principles. Her mission was to help one person at a time and in helping, she sought a personal connection with the abandoned and hopeless. When she sensed the connection was missing, she considered herself “off course”. Mother Teresa’s giving well never ran dry. Her internal resources remained in an eternal state of abundance, and that abundance allowed her to remain “on purpose”.
As I mentioned in a prior blog, the concept of giving is surprisingly challenging to teach to children. I am finding the “KISS” principle (keep it simple sweetie) to be most effective. Coincidently, as I was cleaning a closet this week, I ran across a book that I hadn’t read since my kids were little—“The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. I imagine most parents have read this book, but if you haven’t, I highly recommend it. It is a timeless and ageless story of selfless giving.
It’s the story of a boy and his favorite tree—The Giving Tree. He has a relationship with the tree through his entire life and depends on it for comfort and solitude. As the boy matures from toddler, to young man, to middle age and then his golden years, The Giving Tree always has something to give to the boy. The moral of the story is that no matter what how exhausted, tired or “spent” we are we always have something to give to others.
This “grand leadership experiment” of mine has been fascinating so far! And it’s only just begun. My education specialist asked me if I think it’s working. I am hopeful that it is, although I am well aware of the fact that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. My kids have been mostly receptive to my cause. Their emotions have ranged from extremely bored to wildly inspired (and a lot of in between). So, is it working, you ask? Evidence is mounting that it is. I say this as my children are yelling insults to each other while making cookies. I am choosing to believe that this temporary setback is due to the amount of sugar they are ingesting at the moment.
But, overall, the seeds that have been planted through 30+ hours or so of training are starting to sprout. I see it in their interaction with each other and towards my husband and me. We are definitely closer. I catch sound bites of conversations they are having with each other that include “little tidbits” from our lessons. I get continual requests for “calming meditations” and “visualizations” before we go to sleep. While these seem to be positive indications, a simple sign from God would be beneficial to my ego!
I believe children are very close to God, and while they may not “get” everything we discuss on a purely intellectual level, they get it spiritually. My delusion is that because of this time we are spending, they will understand the power of choice and how their thoughts and decisions affect the quality of their lives. Ultimately, they will incorporate these tools to create a spectacular life!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Womanly Parts, Seam Splitting Farts and Oliver Twist at Bed Time!
Raucous laughter erupted for the third time in the nearby game room. I repressed the undercurrent of anger brewing inside me. Now that we are home schooling, I am attempting to replace some of our marginally acceptable bed time reading material with “the classics”. I was thrilled earlier in the day when I happened across a copy of Charles Dicken’s beloved classic, Oliver Twist. Anticipation of sharing my discovery had been building throughout the day. I envisioned the looks of joy rivaled only by Christmas morning that would adorn my children’s faces when I announced “Kids, we’re going to read a classic tonight, Oliver Twist.” I was so excited that several times I had almost divulged my secret, but somehow, I managed to withhold it until exactly the right time.
Completely opposite of my expectations, my “surprise” was met with screams of belligerence instead of squeals of delight. “CAN’T WE READ GIRLS RULE?” they wailed in perfect unison. I wondered where I had gone wrong. It took ten minutes of negotiation, deep breathing and verbal “conditioning” to get the energy in the room back to a state that was conducive to reading.
And then came the laughter…
I persisted and resolutely commenced reading, deliberately raising the volume of my voice to cover the laughter coming from the game room. Within three paragraphs I was losing my voice, questioning my judgment and doubting my literary selection. This was way over their heads, I thought to myself. Maybe I should acquiesce to Girls Rule and just forget the classics.
My son saved the moment by offering to venture out to the game room to tell my husband to lower the volume. Thankfully, this broke my pattern of negative thinking. Thirty seconds became two minutes. My daughter volunteered to “go get them”. Two minutes became four minutes. I heard my husband say “Check this out Frankie, this guy farted and split the seams of his pants right open.” More raucous laughter, only this time my children were partaking.
How did we digress from reading one of the world’s best literary works to seam splitting farts? And how was I going to regain control of this situation? It was pretty clear that viewing strange bodily functions on the big screen was much more appealing than what I was offering. Even a fluffy down comforter and the promise of backrubs couldn’t turn this situation around. My plan for enlightenment… my calming and enriching bedtime routine was being sabotaged by none other than my "other half". Where was the “unified front”. Weren’t we in this together? Aren’t the classics going to take our children much farther in life than farting? I felt overwhelmingly alone.
I took a few cleansing breaths and convinced myself that it was going to be okay, and before I knew it, I heard my son say to my daughter, “we better go back with Mom or she’s not going to read.” Had I hooked them in three confusing introductory paragraphs? Probably not, but my kids really love story time, so thousands of prior nights of reading were working in my favor.
Ten minutes later, we were back to where we started...at the very beginning. I decided correctly that if I was to have even a slight chance of making this work, I had better stop every three or four sentences to translate the starkly different English of the mid 1800’s to the English of the early 2000’s. My translation was questionable, but I persisted and before I knew it, they were engaged.
Then my darling husband, in a decidedly disruptive fashion, entered the room, ready to share commentary about another gross bodily function he had just observed. In his awkward attempt to crawl into the tiny twin bed with all of us, my tween daughter screamed, “Dad, you’re hurting my womanly parts.” Womanly parts? She’s 10. She doesn’t have womanly parts. Dear God, what was happening to my family?
I took three more cleansing breaths and waited patiently. Things eventually settled down and somehow, we managed to get through a whole chapter of Oliver Twist before my son drifted off to sleep. I guess great writing is great writing and a great story is a great story, no matter how poorly translated by me!
I wouldn’t yet call us a “classics family”, but there was a glimmer of hope this evening as I realized that even when I have to compete with “womanly parts” and “seam splitting farts”, we can still enjoy a little “Oliver Twist” at bed time.
Completely opposite of my expectations, my “surprise” was met with screams of belligerence instead of squeals of delight. “CAN’T WE READ GIRLS RULE?” they wailed in perfect unison. I wondered where I had gone wrong. It took ten minutes of negotiation, deep breathing and verbal “conditioning” to get the energy in the room back to a state that was conducive to reading.
And then came the laughter…
I persisted and resolutely commenced reading, deliberately raising the volume of my voice to cover the laughter coming from the game room. Within three paragraphs I was losing my voice, questioning my judgment and doubting my literary selection. This was way over their heads, I thought to myself. Maybe I should acquiesce to Girls Rule and just forget the classics.
My son saved the moment by offering to venture out to the game room to tell my husband to lower the volume. Thankfully, this broke my pattern of negative thinking. Thirty seconds became two minutes. My daughter volunteered to “go get them”. Two minutes became four minutes. I heard my husband say “Check this out Frankie, this guy farted and split the seams of his pants right open.” More raucous laughter, only this time my children were partaking.
How did we digress from reading one of the world’s best literary works to seam splitting farts? And how was I going to regain control of this situation? It was pretty clear that viewing strange bodily functions on the big screen was much more appealing than what I was offering. Even a fluffy down comforter and the promise of backrubs couldn’t turn this situation around. My plan for enlightenment… my calming and enriching bedtime routine was being sabotaged by none other than my "other half". Where was the “unified front”. Weren’t we in this together? Aren’t the classics going to take our children much farther in life than farting? I felt overwhelmingly alone.
I took a few cleansing breaths and convinced myself that it was going to be okay, and before I knew it, I heard my son say to my daughter, “we better go back with Mom or she’s not going to read.” Had I hooked them in three confusing introductory paragraphs? Probably not, but my kids really love story time, so thousands of prior nights of reading were working in my favor.
Ten minutes later, we were back to where we started...at the very beginning. I decided correctly that if I was to have even a slight chance of making this work, I had better stop every three or four sentences to translate the starkly different English of the mid 1800’s to the English of the early 2000’s. My translation was questionable, but I persisted and before I knew it, they were engaged.
Then my darling husband, in a decidedly disruptive fashion, entered the room, ready to share commentary about another gross bodily function he had just observed. In his awkward attempt to crawl into the tiny twin bed with all of us, my tween daughter screamed, “Dad, you’re hurting my womanly parts.” Womanly parts? She’s 10. She doesn’t have womanly parts. Dear God, what was happening to my family?
I took three more cleansing breaths and waited patiently. Things eventually settled down and somehow, we managed to get through a whole chapter of Oliver Twist before my son drifted off to sleep. I guess great writing is great writing and a great story is a great story, no matter how poorly translated by me!
I wouldn’t yet call us a “classics family”, but there was a glimmer of hope this evening as I realized that even when I have to compete with “womanly parts” and “seam splitting farts”, we can still enjoy a little “Oliver Twist” at bed time.
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